Run, Jonny, run

Sometimes you have to be careful when you start seeing the daughter of an overly-protective military man. Especially in a country where the military is above the law. Or a law onto themselves.

Unfortunately for Quebec Jonny, careful is what he wasn’t.

I’d met him a few years previously in Mexico and became good friends. A couple of years later, he stopped off for the night at mine in London when on his way to see somebody in Manchester. He never made it to Manchester. But he stayed 6 months at mine – even though the last 3 of which I’d already headed back to Asia.

Not long after, he came to join me out east. Became my best buddy again. He the handsome bronzed jock, me the grungy pretty boy. Perfect foils, almost.

He kind of fell for one of the friends of a girl I was seeing. This friend was the daughter of the high-ranking military man. Her feelings for him were mutual, so they met up one afternoon, just the two of them, none of the usual informal chaperones tagging along, or anything like that. This wasn't at all the done thing for a girl of her status. Especially with a foreigner.

They came up with a plan to keep her safe from prying eyes who could inform her father. As her mother wouldn’t be home for hours, she decided to take him back to her apartment. I’m not sure where the logic was in this plan, for even though her father had separated from her mother and lived elsewhere, he still owned not just the apartment, but the whole bloody building.

Still, they thought they’d be safe if she went up to the flat first, while he followed a bit later. But it was all futile. It didn't matter what they did at this stage, as her father had been paying somebody to follow her every move. He’d discovered she'd been visiting those decadent tourist areas, and was none too happy about it. He hadn't confronted her about it yet, as he was waiting to see what she would do next.

Poor Johnny, it wasn’t even like he was getting up to anything naughty in the apartment. Instead, it was a rather innocuous affair – her brother was there and they just sat chatting, drinking tea and looking at family photos.

Of course it wasn't long before the old man turned up. Panicking, and quite clearly not thinking, they bundled Johnny into her bedroom. They told him to hide, in her bed of all places.

For what seemed like ages, he lay there not knowing what the hell was going on. Then, with dread, he felt the covers being slowly pulled off of him. He unscrewed his eyes, and to his horror found the barrel of a pistol just centimetres from his nose. Following the line of vision upwards, he saw the face of a very angry man.

I’m guessing at this point his bladder and bowels loosened a little. That's it, he must’ve thought. My time has come. Out with a bang, 'n' all that.

But the girl and her brother immediately began pleading that absolutely nothing untoward had happened. Don't shoot, daddy, don't shoot. I beg you.

Semi-placated, the father told Johnny to get the fuck out. And quickly.

So quickly did he in fact get the fuck out, that he forgot to put his flip-flops back on. Rushing down the corridor, he felt them strike his back as the father hurled them at him.

Outside, he gasped on life. And then on a cigarette, trying to regain some composure.

But whatever composure was regained, was quickly lost. Paranoid thoughts began scuttling through his mind. Maybe, just maybe, the father would send out a henchman to deal with him off-premises. It’s cleaner that way, and a scarily common procedure by men of his sort in recent years.

He started jogging. Then sprinting. Jumping on the back of the first motorbike taxi he saw, and burning himself on his cigarette as he rushed to put on the helmet. He got off at the massive mall and proceeded to lose himself amongst the throngs.

Of course I found the story hilarious, and he did eventually.

Surprisingly – some would say stupidly – he actually saw her again. But only to say he wouldn't be seeing her again. That’s the courteous kind of guy he was.

Quebec Jonny, far too good a man to die with his trousers on.